Birthday

Throughout the whole adoption process I have thought of it like carrying a biological child. First you conceive, the point when you decide to fill out the application and you are accepted into a program. Then you begin the challenging yet beautiful part called pregnancy which we in the adoption world affectionately call the paper pregnancy. No stretching of the pants but lots of paperwork and an unknown due date. The third part is the birth which is your court date in adoption. It becomes real, irrevocable and very official. The last part is taking your new child home and this will be the last part which is clearing Embassy and finally bringing Tshion home. So in a lot of ways it is the same and in other ways very different.  So I will call this post birthday because Tshion is officially a new member of our family in a very real and tangible way! So happy birthday Tshion!


We awoke this morning to breakfast and friendly conversation. All I could think of was, will we pass court. We had not heard if a very important approval letter had made it to the court so we were not sure. In order to pass, that letter needed to be there. My stomach was in knots. I was SOOO ready to reveal my very precious girl to all of our friends and family. I wanted her to become ours in all legal ways. I wanted to be able to hold her and tell her before we left that she no longer needed to fear that she would not have a family. She would be secure in our arms. She no longer needed to worry where her next meal would come from or if someone was thinking about her at night wondering how she was.

So there we were sitting in a small room with about 40 people while agency by agency was called into the Judges one room office. The courts are not like American courts. It is just an office. I was sitting there thinking about how we were leaving tomorrow and how we were not scheduled to see her on our court date. I longed to see her. I prayed that God would allow us time to see her. No joke, five minutes later and we see our bubbly, vivacious daughter stroll through the door and run to us. I about fell out of my chair. What a loving God we serve! This is not typical for the child to be at the court. When you adopt an older child they have to be interviewed to make sure everything is adding up and okay. This is usually done when the birth family relinquishes their rights to the child. Tshion was not well and could not make it that day so she had to be interviewed during our court time. God knew we needed to see her and orchestrated a way for us to see her. I love those small things He does. So we played with her as we waited. It was a very sweet time of just the three of us. We heard her really laugh for the very first time and it was beautiful!

It was time and we were called to the room. We nervously sat down and the judge asked us four simple questions that we answered and then she said, "You realize that this decision is irrevocable and permanent. There will be no going back. She is legally your responsibility. Are you sure?" YES we both responded. She simply said, "Congratulations Tshion is officially your daughter." At that moment Pete and I both had tears in our eyes and we walked out and hugged our daughter letting her know we were hers forever. It was beautiful!

It was a beautiful picture of God's love for us. He chose me even though I was not perfect or even loved Him back. He knew the risks of loving me and He fulfilled that risk by dying on a cross. It is perfect love. He loves me in an irrevocable way! He does not go back on His promise to love me, teach me, discipline me or guide me. That is the promise we made to Tshion today. It was a big one. We promised at that moment in the court room that no matter what the future would hold, we will never turn our back on her. We will love her no matter the risks and she will forever be our daughter. Nothing can change that. We hope that loving her in this way will point her to the One who will love her in an even greater way and has loved her longer than we have. That is our ultimate prayer! She is a beautiful gift!

Hump in the road

We enjoyed our second day in Ethiopia with a great church service, yummy Caribbean food and time spent in the rain with our daughter. What could a new mom ask for! We did have our first issue today that sent my emotions on a downward plunge into the unknown.

I knew that the language barrier would be an issue but today I hit the hard wall of reality and realized just how hard it would be to full fill my motherly role with my child who does not speak my language. The role of comforting, teaching, disciplining, caring, listening and guiding this precious new child that God is bringing into our family.

Sunshine was bright and cheery all afternoon until the storm came, literally and figuratively. The thunder rolled outside as well as in our Sunshine's heart. It was like hitting a brick wall. Within a matter of seconds our Sunshine went into a dark cloud of emotion. She closed down completely and I had no words of understanding or comfort to offer because I had no idea what was going on. We sat on the cold couch and as I reached for her, she pulled away. I felt utterly helpless as my child pushed me away and began to cry. I did not understand and she did not understand my words. What was I to do?? My heart ached and yearned to comfort her. So I prayed that God would calm me and help me to show her love and grace. We then went on a search for the translator. There is no furor like a mamma lion who is seeking to help her cub. We could not find him and I pushed my way into the house to find him. We finally found him and he went to talk with her. What was the problem you ask? She wanted a orange soda and we had told her that we did not have any and we could not leave the complex with her. Yes folks, she was simply being her age. What is that I age? I found out that I could tell that part of her story. She was being 8 almost 9. What made this tantrum so hard was that I had no idea what was going on. Our language difference is a huge barrier but it is so GREAT that we serve a God who is mighty to break down walls and barriers. Perfect love casts out fear. I had to remember that as I wanted to run out of the complex saying this is too much. How can I love this child and mother her if we can not talk to each other. However that is only looking at me and not the big picture or God's greatness. He has brought us here to this moment to this child. She is His first and He is going to make her ours second. The Lord calmed me and reminded me that it is simple. Step by step with Him guiding it all the way. It will take time but a friend at the transition home was very encouraging by telling me that it was a sign of love that we even took the time to find someone to translate and discover the issue. That was a sign of love. There are ways of showing love that require no language and He will show me those ways as we begin this journey.

I did not run out of the gate to the nearest airplane. I just sent Pete and the translator to the store to buy our kiddo a orange soda. One hump down, many more to go, more victories to happen. Let this journey begin!

Meetcha Day

I wanted to send you a quick little update on our first full day here. Please go easy on picking out the errors, I am a little tired. ;) We had our "Meetcha Day" today. This is how it went....

We arrived late Friday night to an itenirary that said we had to go to the museum the next morning and lunch before we would go to the transition home to see Sunshine. My heart dropped a little. It would be another 15 hours before I would see her. It was not in my control and I knew the time would happen so I would just have to be patient. The next morning it was made clear why we had to wait. There were two more families that arrived this morning and they wanted to see their kiddos as much as we did. However, they needed time to refresh from their flights and unpack a bit. So off to the musuem. I learned a little bit more about Ethiopian history which was nice but butterflies were starting to creep in as time moved on. Flutter, Flutter, Flutter...

We went to lunch at a fantastic Italian restaurant. Italian, you say, why yes! It was delicious and we were surrounded with great company. I managed to swallow a few bites without it making its way back up due to nerves but it was nice to get some food. Then it was time, lunch was over and it was time to make the drive to the transition house. Flutter, Flutter, Double Time Flutter.....

We drove into the complex and I felt that my ability to control my emotions was slowly unraveling as we pulled into the gate and parked the van. My hands were sweaty and my heart was racing. What if she did not like us?? Do I run to her? Do I hold her? Oh, I just want to hold her.

All four families stood anxiously awaiting their child. We went in alphabetical order and we would be second. We watched as the first family greeted their precious kiddos. It was a beautiful sight. Soon, it was our turn. My thoughts were racing and tears were beginning to well. Without giving much info on Sunshine, she has had a rough life and has grown fond of several workers and they have grown fond of her. They have been excited for her as she received parents and several of them came out to see her reaction as she first saw us. It was then that I saw that beautiful face peek out from the door, with bright yellow sunglasses on, of course!! I broke as she came running towards me and lept into my arms like she had been waiting for us her whole life. I held her and bawled as she held me tight. She then leaned over and grabbed Pete and went into his arms. We just looked at each other in wonder as God was now creating a new path for our family with this precious new member. We had fun today and I wish I could share so many pictures but that time will come. For now, I leave you with this sneek peak!

Next Steps

A few people have asked me if Sunshine will be coming home on this first trip. The answer is a very sad, no. You have to take two trips in order to adopt from Ethiopia. The first one is to pass the Ethiopia court system. That is also the trip that you usually meet your child for the first time. It is usually between 5-6 days long. Some families extend that time. I WISH we could but the Army is calling and she can be pretty stingy with her time. Trying to be grateful that they are letting Pete go at all on such short notice but God has blessed Pete with a very gracious Commander. So our trip will be 5 days long. Court is usually a really short process, like 5-10 minutes kind of short and then the Judge tells us if we passed or didn't pass. If we pass, GREAT!!! I will finally shout to the world our daughter's name and proudly show off her pictures. If we don't pass, that will mean another court trip for us until we pass. Most families are passing court at this point.

So, after we pass, we then start collecting our post court paperwork (Sunshine's new birth certificate, passport, etc...) By we, I mean the Ethiopian government and our agency. As soon as we collect all the needed documents, our case will be sent to the American Embassy who will then look through everything and make sure it is accurate. At that point they will schedule a birth family interview in our case. If the child is abandoned it works a little differently but for our case we will more than likely have a birth family interview. As soon as the birth family interviews, our Embassy will CLEAR us, which means, WE CAN GO AND PICK HER UP!!!! That whole process takes about 8-12 weeks right now. It has taken much shorter than that time frame and much longer but that is about typical. So we are looking at about 2-3 months before seeing our kiddo again. :( However, the next time we see her, she will be coming home.

I just wanted to give you guys a little more information because it can be confusing. It is hard to believe we are here in this place right now. I am still trying to wrap my brain around it all. However I have a neat God story that must be shared. When we lost Shai, I wanted to grow our family through natural means at that time rather than adoption. Pete was faithful and a strong leader and he truly felt that adoption was our next step. It was hard to trust but through prayer and Pete's loving leadership, I felt that he was right. However, I was very concerned about the time frame in adoption. I prayed, asking God that if He wanted us to adopt, would He make it like a pregnancy and have it last right at 9 months. I also said that if that was not the best than I would still trust His ways. So, fast forward and I started looking at our time frame. If we bring home Sunshine when the time frame says we will then it will have been 9 months from start to finish! God is good! All the time! And hey, my pants still fit! :) Those are the small details that remind me that God is not silent or distant. He is very near and active and yes I would say that even when it would not have fit my time table. My life verse is

Isaiah 55: 8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Wating for a Court Date

I have been neglecting writing out my detailed thoughts on this adoption process. The whole adoption process has gone so fast my mind is left reeling. We were officially accepted into the Ethiopia program at our agency as of March 2012. From there we hit the ground running knowing that there was a little girl we were hoping for. We expedited our home study so she could be officially referred to us and as of May 26th we accepted the referral for our precious daughter. We expedited the process to finish up our dossier and sent that in as of the first week in June and then we were fingerprinted for the United States Immigration and Customs Office to receive approval for Sunshines visa. So from start until now it has been 4 months to begin waiting on a court date. Just to give you a time frame, it is supposed to take 4-6 months to even complete your dossier. Add in to the mix a military move across country and placing a home for sale and you have a recipe for extreme business. God has brought us through each thing faithfully and we are grateful to at least be a little bit more settled. However, I would like to backtrack and take a little time to tell you what I can about why we picked our Sunshine.

It was the end of March and I was speaking with our coordinator about the waiting children program and explaining that Pete and I were very interested to look at the children. She was a bit concerned because she did not want us to pick a child off of the waiting list just so the process would be much quicker, which at times it is not. The wait for an ethically placed young infant or toddler adoption is ranging from about 24-36 months at this point. We assured her that our hearts have always been open to adopting an older child with special needs. She gave us the password and that we could go from there.

 It was a warm and humid day when I first went and looked at the waiting child list for our agency. My mind drifted back to the warm and humid days that I spent in Kenya and I wondered what it felt like in Ethiopia. My stomach was fluttering with excitement as I thought about one of my dreams coming true and being able to return to Africa. I was also excited that God was beginning to fulfill a God-filled desire of bringing home an orphan from Ethiopia. My eyes scanned over the four children that were on that page, all of them so beautifully created, all of them with the heavy weight of grief in their eyes. You could tell that this world has been cruel and that they had more hurt than most people had in a lifetime. My heart ached for each but as I scrolled to one particular girl my eyes stopped. I looked into those deep, brown eyes and looked at the most incredible smile I have ever seen. It was so bright and beautiful I could not help but smile. Her eyes told me of a little girl that has seen too much, lived too much and longed for a family. It was at that moment I knew God was telling me this was the one, she was our gift from God and we were His family for her. I told Pete to go and look at the page without telling him which one stopped me in my tracks. He did and his mind and thoughts were drawn back to her. Come to find out a few days later when we shared with our family coordinator which child we were strongly praying for, she told us that was the little girl she thought would jump out to us. God is good! All the time!We could do nothing but wait because we had not completed our homestudy and to look at a waiting child you must have that completed. We trusted that God's timing was perfect and we waited. We prayed that if we were not her family that God would bring her family to her very soon. Sure enough we finished our homestudy and we received the referral a short week later. 

I wish I could reveal more but so much is Sunshine's story to tell, not ours. It will be her testimony of God's faithfulness and not ours to share, except for the parts that make up our testimony. What I can say is, God has brought her through much and we are looking forward to watching Him move in her life and being able to watch His faithfulness as she grows.  We are so very humbled that we have been given the honor of becoming this precious child's parents. We are so non-deserving. We are not perfect. We are trying to be obedient to that which He has called us. God is the one that will receive all the glory and praise. He is the one that opened two hard hearts to be softened to the things of His calling. His grace abounds and I am grateful to not only be LOVED in abundance but to be USED in abundance. 

So here we are, waiting for a court date. They have already opened her case without us so there is a chance that we will be going by the end of this month or beginning of next month. Court usually closes for two months due to the rainy season but they have yet to announce when that will be. No matter what, we trust God's timing. He has faithfully and graciously placed that truth deep inside my heart. That is one truth that Shai's life and death has taught me. God is good and so is His timing. He is sovereign and we have nothing to worry about. This is just another chance to be further refined. It's funny but I am beginning to believe not just know the truth spoken of in James 1:2-4  ^"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." Even when we walk through the hardest of times, like the death of a loved one or the waiting of something without a set time frame, you can trust that God is refining and producing something beautiful within you. That is the only reason I can count anything that seems overwhelming, ugly, hard and terrible as joy. Those are the moments in life that forever change you into something far greater than yourself, if you allow. 

Please pray for us as we are tired, overwhelmed a bit and trying to prepare for the future arrival of our daughter. Pray that she would be watched over and that God would be preparing her heart for us and for Him. Pray that the rest of our finances would come in. We need about $5,000 more to get us to the end. Pray for the other kiddos over there that have not found families and are in need. Consider supporting ministries that try to make it possible for orphans to be adopted in country, which is a far better option. Or, consider opening your heart and mind to adoption. It is not what everyone is called to, no, but we are called to take care of those who are in need. I encourage you to take time to find out what avenue that is for you and your family. Thank you for your kindness and support! 

Home Study Adventure Begins

Well we officially begin the home study tomorrow. All those weeks of tediously putting together paperwork has come to an end and we will finally get to meet with our social worker. I am excited to be at this point but know that the road is still so much longer. The journey has been sweet thus far and fairly simple compared to some horror stories I have heard but then again we are just at the start. Our child is waiting on us. We are waiting on them. God is preparing both parties hearts to eventually come together as one unique family.

So many have shared how they were nervous for the home study and the thought that maybe they will not be picked as a suitable family for a waiting child. Do not get me wrong, I have had my fears and worries that I have had to lay down at my Father's feet but the home study has not been one of them. I know the Lord has called us to this path and I know He will bring it to fruition. It may not be the way or in the timing I have thought out but I KNOW He will make it so. So, I am not nervous about what the social worker might think. Pete and I have nothing crazy to hide. I trust in the One who has called us to this journey. I look forward to hearing the wisdom our social worker will bring. I look forward to being one step closer to bringing home our next child.

I know the journey of bringing home our child will more than likely not be easy one. I have been ravaging books left and right on adopting the hurt and institutionalized child. There are times those books have frightened me and at the same time have deeply encouraged me. They have brought about realistic expectations in my heart and mind for what the journey will most likely look like. I am deeply grateful for the wisdom God has given these authors and other adopting families. You can not take a child who has walked through hell and back and expect them to be perfect, grateful, wonderful children. They are deeply hurt by the fallen world we live in. They have been neglected, abused, abandoned, or orphaned due to illness or other causes. In some instances there are parents who are so poor that they place their children hoping that they will get a chance to survive because in their current circumstances they will not. What do you say to a parent as they are placing their child in your care because they can not support them. As a mother that has lost a child my heart aches at the thought. Our world is so hurt and broken. I am so grateful that there is hope!! This is not the end. We have been given a Savior who has conquered this world and death! The battle is won and one day He will return. He is alive! When I hear the stories and see the lives of these children who have lived through incomprehensible things, this is the only truth on which I can stand. So no, I no longer have the expectation that this child will run into my arms, tell me they love me and go about with a happy existence. Yes, if I am honest this was my expectation for a while. My friends, books and mentors have told me it will much more look like a scared child slowly walking up to you and crying on your way back to America and for a while after you return. Even though you know you are providing them with a better temporal existence, it is all they have ever known. We will be stripping them from their life and throwing them into ours. What a culture and life shock! They will more than likely be delayed to some extent and patience and grace must abound. It will truly be loving sacrificially because for a while and maybe for the long haul we will receive nothing in return.

Wow! I am starting to grasp more and more the love of Christ for me. He loved me when I could and would not ever give Him anything in return. I was stripped bare from the world and culture I knew and He has loved me patiently and graciously while I learn how to operate in this new world as His child. He has gently wooed my heart and I am so grateful. We have the honor of showing this kind of love to a child in hopes that they will see the One who ultimately pursues their heart. The only way we can show this kind of love is because we have the perfect example in Christ and He has given us the ability to love this way!

Trusting

So, we were officially welcomed into the Ethiopia program about a week and a half ago. We should begin building our dossier in the next week along with starting the home study. We are on track to have it turned in at the latest in September. However, as I have learned with Shai, the army and now with adoption, nothing ever goes the way my plan is set up. God has really been teaching me about His timing and plan. One of my favorite verses is ^"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9. His way is better! I am way more low key about things not going to plan than I was about three years ago when I married Pete. There are things I can control and there are things that are totally out of my control. The good news is, God is in control and that brings some comfort and assurance when things go haywire. So, we are wisely trying to be excited for this direction God is taking us but also knowing that it may not happen the way we want it to but it will happen the way God wants it to.

Many of my good friends have become pregnant with their second children in the last couple of months. I truly could not be more EXCITED but there is a lie that has creeped into my mind that I am trying to fight head on. It has not always been easy to fight off when it creeps up. Since we desire to have another natural child someday, my heart longs for that possible future child as well. I know that this is the direction the Lord wants us to go. Some might not understand but I have a certain peace in my heart when I am walking on this adoption road. I just know this is where He wants us. However, the liar of liars, likes to come in and tell me that I should just wait on adoption and go ahead and try for another birth child. The liar says, "Wouldn't it be nice to have a second child close to Amelia's age, have other babies to play with, hold an infant close within a closer time frame. " Not that those things are bad but I believe they are when I am stepping away from what God is telling us by His desire for us to adopt. Adoption has been a passion for ever. It is time. So even though the desire to have a birth child is NOT wrong,  it is wrong when we are disobeying the direction where God desires us now. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs  3:5-6

This is going to be a long road and MY plan was to have two natural children and then adopt. Which we do have two precious birth children. I just mean two children that were living on this earth. However this is not God's plan for our family but it WILL be much better and glorious than my plan will be. I just need to trust. Even though it could take up to three years to bring home a child from Ethiopia, God will be with us and give us the abundant strength to hang in there while we wait. Why, because it is His plan and He loves us. When I am worried about Amelia being four or five before she has a sibling, which is a great fear in my heart, God will remind me again that Amelia is His child first and foremost and He is watching over her and her heart. Why because this is His plan and He loves her. When I am FREAKED out at all the possible issues that could come up from a child that is adopted from an institution I will remember that God will provide the love, wisdom, discernment, ability and resources to deal with those as they come. Why because this is His plan for our family and He loves us and this child.

I REALLY am excited to meet our child one day. It is just going to be a long road filled with up hills and down hills. I am learning that is what life is. When you are going on the up hills you are thankful for how they challenge and change you. You are thankful for how God uses them. You cling to Him and become closer. When you are going on the downhills you are grateful for the break, continue to press into Him and comfort, encourage and help those that are on the uphills. So here is to the uphills and downhills of this journey. May God be glorified and Jesus shine bright!!