Entitlement

Evangeline looks at me with those big eyes and proceeds to wave one finger around saying, "NO, NO." It takes everything I have and lots of prayer not to yell at her.....

This has been a constant scene around our house and around town. It has been the most difficult, challenging part of this adoption thus far. Evangeline (Tsihon) has decided that she is entitled to everything. She gets angry and ungrateful when she does not receive something that she desires. We walked into our 1000sq ft apartment and she pointed to a big house down the street and said, "mamma, there." Those were some of the first words I heard. She says no to almost every kind of food, even Ethiopian and sometimes refuses to wear the clothes that I took hours picking out for her. We walk around the stores and she feels as though she deserves everything on the shelves and more. I think I have heard the phrase, "mamma no and mamma, that" more than you can count. It really has taken strength for me to not want to scream at her and tell her to stop telling me no or being ungrateful for something she has in front of her. I feel the same way when Amelia does that.

I have been praying for patience and grace in relating to her because the issue is three fold I believe. She is a kid and has never seen much of this stuff before; she has been told that parents will give her everything she could want or desire and the biggest reason, she is sinful. She has the same human nature that you and I do, sinful. Her natural desire is to want more and more and more and expect it. Everything in our culture tells us that we are entitled to have anything we want and we can do whatever we want to achieve those wants. We were told over and over not to expect her to be grateful for her adoption or the things in which we would give her as she came home. She is still just a kid who has been yanked out of everything she knows and told what to expect here, everything. She has been told that life will be roses from this point on. I would be expecting and wanting everything as well. As she rolls her eyes for the 30th time in a day, I try to remember those truths and gently re-direct her and tell her that we cannot get everything we want. Sometimes baby, life will be plain hard, even now after finding a family. Try explaining that to a kiddo who can barely speak your language and is refusing to look at you. I have failed once or twice and told her in a much too stern voice not to tell me no again. Yep, I am a sinner too. I have already had to apologize more times than I would care to share on this blog.

This particular attitude has been eye opening for me as well. How often to I expect things from God. How often do I pout and complain when I do not get something that I feel entitled to, from the big things to the small things in life. Things like:

Pete not responding to me the way I would like
Children not listening to me and obeying
Our 1000ft sq apartment that I feel should be a bit bigger for a family of four
Pete having to stay late yet again at work
Pain that comes from trial
Having the nicer things in life
Desiring to go my own direction instead of where God is leading

The list could go on and on with the things in life that I feel I have a right to have. I have a strong sense of entitlement and the bible is clear with what I deserve, death. (Romans 6:23) God has not promised me good fortune, wealth or even constant happiness on this side of earth. Nor did I earn His favor because of my good works. (Isaiah 64:6) In fact, the bible tells me to prepare for persecution and trial and even consider it pure joy. (James 1:2-10, 1 Peter 1) God's word tells me that there will be pain on this side of heaven and that this world is not what we put our hope in. The best and most undeserving gift has already been bestowed on me, God's grace and ultimate acceptance through Jesus. That is what He has promised me, a hope and a future because of what Christ did, not what I am entitled to. I have hope that one day there will be no more sorrow and no more pain and I will walk side by side with my Lord and Savior. (Revelation 21:4) My goal is not to be comfortable on this side of Heaven but to lay aside myself for the sake of others and the gospel. ( Philippians 2:1-18)Why? Because Christ laid down His life for me. Yes, for me. The mom who sometimes looses her cool, jumps down her husband's throat, says little white lies, ignores pet sin and can often times not be very loving. There are many others I could add to the list but those are a few. He paid the price, He adopted me into His kingdom, He loves me even when I am ungrateful, He patiently teaches me and loves me and above all He has shown me His abundant, all encompassing grace. The kind of grace that spurs you to action and total devotion. May I continue to to remember these things when I forget the most precious gift that has been given to me. I hope to remember the life I am called to live on this earth as I try to point my daughter's towards Christ.

It will take time, love, patience and lots of grace to teach Evangeline and Amelia. I suppose that is what parenting is all about. My hope is that they will eventually see how much their Father in Heaven loves them and how much He has given for their life. I pray for the strength and wisdom to continue to pour myself out sacrificially in order for my children to see Him. That is not always so easy, especially in the morning. ;) When I begin to feel like I am entitled to something other than what has been given to me through the gospel, may I remember in humility the One who laid it all on the line for me.

Gotcha Day

The Ethiopian 787 Dreamliner airplane was beyond a blessing from the Lord. What a way to head into Ethiopia for a busy and emotional three days than to cruise with plenty of leg room and just all around service! I highly recommend anyone using that airliner if possible when traveling to Africa!

We walked through sea after sea of people that were just as anxious to see the beautiful light of day after being on airplanes for the last 17 hours as we were. People were pushing, cutting and all around crazy. I think planes do that to people. The thing about a third world countries airport is, there is no for sure system. So you might go one time and the next time it is completely different. You have to have a willingness to just submit to whatever might come your way. So we finally made it through the throng of people and stepped out into the most beautiful, sunny day. Here we were, exhausted and about to pick up our daughter forever. Wow, what a thought, ours on earth forever.  No more a threesome but a foursome. Nothing was ever going to be the same, in a great way!

As many of you know I have been fretting about all the small details of finally becoming a full-time parent to this vivacious girl. What schooling, what hair, what extra activities, how to bond, how to discipline, how to love, and the list goes on and on. So much to think through. So much to consider. So much to choose. However, with as much planning as we do we can never know fully what will happen until we are thrusted into a situation and we are forced to begin taking inventory on what actually needs to happen. Before we left, Amelia and I were driving and Amelia pointed out a bird in the street that was drinking water. She was so exited because she said he was thirsty and needed some. I reminded her of the story in the gospels of how God provides for the birds of the air. (Matthew 6:25-34) There are so many things to worry about in regards to bringing Tsihon home and beginning to form our family of four. Things that in wisdom, we have thought through and tried to make a plan for. However, things do not always go to plan and life has a funny way of throwing curve balls at you, so those are the times I have to remember that worrying brings about nothing but by prayer and thanksgiving, peace and truth will come. (Philippians 4:6-7) Jesus was right, there are too many things in a single day that bring trial, there is no need to worry about the things of tomorrow. He is in control. She is a child from a broken past, with hurts, hang ups, anger and grief. She is also beautiful, caring, loving, vivacious and fun. I cannot heal her heart and make it okay. It would be arrogant for me to try. So I must not worry and rely on the One who can do those very large tasks. He will heal her heart. I must walk in daily prayer and constantly hand over every situation to Jesus. Things work better when I do! Right now, I have decided to take every day one at a time. I have the broad picture of what it will look like but my main goal right now is to bond and help Tsihon make this transition. Everything else can wait until another day.

We took a much needed shower and headed over to the transition home. I was so excited to hold her again. Everyone had told us that she was counting down the days. It made my heart glad to know she was so excited that we were coming rather than being ambivalent about the whole thing. We pulled up and a very thoughtful family offered to take pictures for us. AWAA families are awesome, I cannot say enough about them. Anyhoo it was time to meet again. We stood outside the door and waited and waited and waited. It seemed like forever but I am sure it was like 3 minutes. She finally came walking through the doors and her mega-watt smile came busting out. She took off running, yelling momma, daddy in her husky little voice. This time Pete had the honor of having her jump into his arms. It was so precious and you could tell Pete was thrilled with that idea. Tsihon is already a daddy's girl. She grabbed me next and it was so good to hold her. A couple hours later, after saying goodbye to many people, we walked out the gate hand in hand saying goodbye to one home and walking into another.

Things have been going well up to this point. She is listening the best she can with a language barrier and she is sleeping well. Our largest issue is food. We knew food hoarding and stuffing could be a problem with a child from an orphanage because of the previous lack of food. She has yet to trust that food will always be around. So we are dealing with her always wanting to eat the snacks that I brought. I mean tons and tons of food. The worst thing right now would be to tell her no because we need to build the trust that we will always provide food. Right now we are trying to give her a few of those snacks and then hiding them. When she asks for more we tell her that she can have another after our next meal, breakfast, lunch and dinner. This seems to be working. The snacks are the only American thing she will eat otherwise she will not touch our kind of food. It is all Ethiopian food for our girl, I cannot blame her, it is good! So we will have issues at home but again we are going to start taking this one day at a time, not week by week or month by month. So right now God is blessing us with peace and bonding. We know there will probably come a time when the grief will begin and we will deal with that as it comes. Right now we are enjoying laughter, hugs, kisses and lots of I love yous!!

We are no longer a family just by blood but a family of adoption just like our Father did for us! That beautiful picture that is painted in the bible about our salvation is more alive than ever for me. However, like one adopted mom so beautifully pointed out, our salvation started with great brokenness and grief. So I imagine there will be lows before we enter true peace and hope. Here is to the journey ahead. Welcome Home Tsihon Evangeline (Eva) Hathaway! We are blessed to call you daughter!