Evangeline looks at me with those big eyes and proceeds to wave one finger around saying, "NO, NO." It takes everything I have and lots of prayer not to yell at her.....
This has been a constant scene around our house and around town. It has been the most difficult, challenging part of this adoption thus far. Evangeline (Tsihon) has decided that she is entitled to everything. She gets angry and ungrateful when she does not receive something that she desires. We walked into our 1000sq ft apartment and she pointed to a big house down the street and said, "mamma, there." Those were some of the first words I heard. She says no to almost every kind of food, even Ethiopian and sometimes refuses to wear the clothes that I took hours picking out for her. We walk around the stores and she feels as though she deserves everything on the shelves and more. I think I have heard the phrase, "mamma no and mamma, that" more than you can count. It really has taken strength for me to not want to scream at her and tell her to stop telling me no or being ungrateful for something she has in front of her. I feel the same way when Amelia does that.
I have been praying for patience and grace in relating to her because the issue is three fold I believe. She is a kid and has never seen much of this stuff before; she has been told that parents will give her everything she could want or desire and the biggest reason, she is sinful. She has the same human nature that you and I do, sinful. Her natural desire is to want more and more and more and expect it. Everything in our culture tells us that we are entitled to have anything we want and we can do whatever we want to achieve those wants. We were told over and over not to expect her to be grateful for her adoption or the things in which we would give her as she came home. She is still just a kid who has been yanked out of everything she knows and told what to expect here, everything. She has been told that life will be roses from this point on. I would be expecting and wanting everything as well. As she rolls her eyes for the 30th time in a day, I try to remember those truths and gently re-direct her and tell her that we cannot get everything we want. Sometimes baby, life will be plain hard, even now after finding a family. Try explaining that to a kiddo who can barely speak your language and is refusing to look at you. I have failed once or twice and told her in a much too stern voice not to tell me no again. Yep, I am a sinner too. I have already had to apologize more times than I would care to share on this blog.
This particular attitude has been eye opening for me as well. How often to I expect things from God. How often do I pout and complain when I do not get something that I feel entitled to, from the big things to the small things in life. Things like:
Pete not responding to me the way I would like
Children not listening to me and obeying
Our 1000ft sq apartment that I feel should be a bit bigger for a family of four
Pete having to stay late yet again at work
Pain that comes from trial
Having the nicer things in life
Desiring to go my own direction instead of where God is leading
The list could go on and on with the things in life that I feel I have a right to have. I have a strong sense of entitlement and the bible is clear with what I deserve, death. (Romans 6:23) God has not promised me good fortune, wealth or even constant happiness on this side of earth. Nor did I earn His favor because of my good works. (Isaiah 64:6) In fact, the bible tells me to prepare for persecution and trial and even consider it pure joy. (James 1:2-10, 1 Peter 1) God's word tells me that there will be pain on this side of heaven and that this world is not what we put our hope in. The best and most undeserving gift has already been bestowed on me, God's grace and ultimate acceptance through Jesus. That is what He has promised me, a hope and a future because of what Christ did, not what I am entitled to. I have hope that one day there will be no more sorrow and no more pain and I will walk side by side with my Lord and Savior. (Revelation 21:4) My goal is not to be comfortable on this side of Heaven but to lay aside myself for the sake of others and the gospel. ( Philippians 2:1-18)Why? Because Christ laid down His life for me. Yes, for me. The mom who sometimes looses her cool, jumps down her husband's throat, says little white lies, ignores pet sin and can often times not be very loving. There are many others I could add to the list but those are a few. He paid the price, He adopted me into His kingdom, He loves me even when I am ungrateful, He patiently teaches me and loves me and above all He has shown me His abundant, all encompassing grace. The kind of grace that spurs you to action and total devotion. May I continue to to remember these things when I forget the most precious gift that has been given to me. I hope to remember the life I am called to live on this earth as I try to point my daughter's towards Christ.
It will take time, love, patience and lots of grace to teach Evangeline and Amelia. I suppose that is what parenting is all about. My hope is that they will eventually see how much their Father in Heaven loves them and how much He has given for their life. I pray for the strength and wisdom to continue to pour myself out sacrificially in order for my children to see Him. That is not always so easy, especially in the morning. ;) When I begin to feel like I am entitled to something other than what has been given to me through the gospel, may I remember in humility the One who laid it all on the line for me.
This has been a constant scene around our house and around town. It has been the most difficult, challenging part of this adoption thus far. Evangeline (Tsihon) has decided that she is entitled to everything. She gets angry and ungrateful when she does not receive something that she desires. We walked into our 1000sq ft apartment and she pointed to a big house down the street and said, "mamma, there." Those were some of the first words I heard. She says no to almost every kind of food, even Ethiopian and sometimes refuses to wear the clothes that I took hours picking out for her. We walk around the stores and she feels as though she deserves everything on the shelves and more. I think I have heard the phrase, "mamma no and mamma, that" more than you can count. It really has taken strength for me to not want to scream at her and tell her to stop telling me no or being ungrateful for something she has in front of her. I feel the same way when Amelia does that.
I have been praying for patience and grace in relating to her because the issue is three fold I believe. She is a kid and has never seen much of this stuff before; she has been told that parents will give her everything she could want or desire and the biggest reason, she is sinful. She has the same human nature that you and I do, sinful. Her natural desire is to want more and more and more and expect it. Everything in our culture tells us that we are entitled to have anything we want and we can do whatever we want to achieve those wants. We were told over and over not to expect her to be grateful for her adoption or the things in which we would give her as she came home. She is still just a kid who has been yanked out of everything she knows and told what to expect here, everything. She has been told that life will be roses from this point on. I would be expecting and wanting everything as well. As she rolls her eyes for the 30th time in a day, I try to remember those truths and gently re-direct her and tell her that we cannot get everything we want. Sometimes baby, life will be plain hard, even now after finding a family. Try explaining that to a kiddo who can barely speak your language and is refusing to look at you. I have failed once or twice and told her in a much too stern voice not to tell me no again. Yep, I am a sinner too. I have already had to apologize more times than I would care to share on this blog.
This particular attitude has been eye opening for me as well. How often to I expect things from God. How often do I pout and complain when I do not get something that I feel entitled to, from the big things to the small things in life. Things like:
Pete not responding to me the way I would like
Children not listening to me and obeying
Our 1000ft sq apartment that I feel should be a bit bigger for a family of four
Pete having to stay late yet again at work
Pain that comes from trial
Having the nicer things in life
Desiring to go my own direction instead of where God is leading
The list could go on and on with the things in life that I feel I have a right to have. I have a strong sense of entitlement and the bible is clear with what I deserve, death. (Romans 6:23) God has not promised me good fortune, wealth or even constant happiness on this side of earth. Nor did I earn His favor because of my good works. (Isaiah 64:6) In fact, the bible tells me to prepare for persecution and trial and even consider it pure joy. (James 1:2-10, 1 Peter 1) God's word tells me that there will be pain on this side of heaven and that this world is not what we put our hope in. The best and most undeserving gift has already been bestowed on me, God's grace and ultimate acceptance through Jesus. That is what He has promised me, a hope and a future because of what Christ did, not what I am entitled to. I have hope that one day there will be no more sorrow and no more pain and I will walk side by side with my Lord and Savior. (Revelation 21:4) My goal is not to be comfortable on this side of Heaven but to lay aside myself for the sake of others and the gospel. ( Philippians 2:1-18)Why? Because Christ laid down His life for me. Yes, for me. The mom who sometimes looses her cool, jumps down her husband's throat, says little white lies, ignores pet sin and can often times not be very loving. There are many others I could add to the list but those are a few. He paid the price, He adopted me into His kingdom, He loves me even when I am ungrateful, He patiently teaches me and loves me and above all He has shown me His abundant, all encompassing grace. The kind of grace that spurs you to action and total devotion. May I continue to to remember these things when I forget the most precious gift that has been given to me. I hope to remember the life I am called to live on this earth as I try to point my daughter's towards Christ.
It will take time, love, patience and lots of grace to teach Evangeline and Amelia. I suppose that is what parenting is all about. My hope is that they will eventually see how much their Father in Heaven loves them and how much He has given for their life. I pray for the strength and wisdom to continue to pour myself out sacrificially in order for my children to see Him. That is not always so easy, especially in the morning. ;) When I begin to feel like I am entitled to something other than what has been given to me through the gospel, may I remember in humility the One who laid it all on the line for me.
Praying for your patience and wisdom to give grace and love. You're a rockstar.
ReplyDeleteI agree - rockstar.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes - a sinful human. Funny how we know that we are, yet somehow we forget that fact. At least that can be me sometimes - like I'm shocked when I see what I'm capable of. But why should I be shocked? That is my flesh winning out. That is because I've not given myself fully into the hands of my Savior. Because He did wash us clean. New. Every single moment, we're new. Even if we've just mucked up the moment before worse than levees breaking in a hurricane...that next moment - I'm new all over again. Relief efforts come through. I'm dried off, clothed in warmth, given the nourishment I need to step one more step forward.
You are examples of so much goodness. Wisdom. Insight. Surrender. The fact is, you don't ever give up. Ever. I can't explain how much I admire that. Seriously...I can't piece together the words that express how I feel when I see you try again. Move again. Learn again.
...You are such an influence in the lives around you. In a positive way friend. Know that, please. You are an instrument that He just loves to play time and again. For you sing so well to His character, His love.
Thank you for continuing to share with us. It is no small thing to show yourself and all you're learning. In fact, it's monumental.
wow your blog is breath taking. i totally agree with you and with what leigh speaks of. both you and leigh have the wisdom and knowledge to teach people that don't know the word. i pray for all my friends, but i will be sending prayers of peace strength comfort and patients to you my friend. especially now that you have a child with that language barrier. but one thing i do say is hats off to you cause no matter how hard life seems to be for you, it seems to me that you still bounce back on your feet and face that challenge with a smile on the outside. i admire you both as a person and as a friend. the influence and the truth you speak of has touch my heart and makes me realize that even though we struggle in life, there are people out there that aren't as fortunate as we are. thank you for sharing, i am always moved by your blogs. please keep you chin up, and know that at the moment this is happening you have to tell satan to get off your back cause you are a child of christ. he is the one that makes things complicated in life to not only test our faith, but to see if he can get you to break and do his will. and i know that you are too good of a person to even do anythign for satan. stay strong my friend, this is only the beginning, but with patience you will not only be stronger but you will have made that difference in evangelinas life.
ReplyDeleteso sorry auto correct still miss spelled your daughters name. evangeline
ReplyDeleteHi--I find your words so helpful in learning about the adoptive family and how adoption will affect families both positively and negatively.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I are adopting 1-2 girls from Ethiopia, so I am learning how to prepare myself for difficulties. I am going to purchase and read The Connected Child, because I have heard so many great things about it from so many people.
Praying that you can rely on the strength of God to overcome difficulties. He is Mighty to Save.
~Jessica
www.bringingyoumorethanasong.blogspot.com