Her Story To Tell

A lot of you have had genuine questions in regards to Tshion's past. Those questions are not wrong. I would be curious myself if I was in the opposite position. I want you to know that we are grateful for your willingness to follow our journey and seek to know more. However, I did want to address the issue of privacy when it comes to adoption.

Tshion comes with her own history and story to tell. They are hers to share and no one else's. It is important that she has the ability to present them in a way and at a time that she is comfortable with. We do not even know the extent of Tshion's past and we might never know. We are choosing to be active listeners when she is ready to share. She might never share with us. We hope she might but she might begin to close that chapter and not want to re-open it with others. It is hard to say. We just want to be available if the time should arise.

I know it seems very easy to want to know all of the back story that comes from an orphans life but it can feel very intrusive when people walk up to you or or parents and start asking deeply personal questions about your life. I know it would be very uncomfortable if a stranger started asking me about my parents and life. I hope this is coming off graciously, that is truly my intention. I just want our friends and others to understand how it might feel for her. She is not an infant, even though they even come with their own history, she is a 9 year old child. She has had nine years of memories already burned into her mind. Those are precious and all that she will take with her. They are priceless and not to be taken lightly. If you are someone that will be an active partaker in Tshion's life then grow your relationship by seeking to know who she is now and let her open the doors to the past.

We have no problem addressing things about adoption like the process, what it is like, challenges and transition. Feel free to ask! We are excited to advocate for adoption.  If you want to know how to specifically pray for our sweet girl, I can tell you a couple of ways.

1. Pray for the HUGE transition that she is about to go through. We are taking her from everything she knows and it will be difficult.
2. Pray that God would heal the hurt in her heart and reveal Himself to her as the ultimate comforter.
3. Pray for friendships in her life.
4. Pray for ways that we can encourage her to work through grief that will more than likely occur.
5. Pray that she begins to see her past as something that God is making beautiful in its time rather than something that hurts deeply.
6. Pray for her health as we are taking her to the doctor shortly after she comes home and there will more than likely be issues to work through.

Again, we love that we have such a support system, we just wanted each of you to know that we are not being rude when we tell you that we will not answer certain questions about Tshion. We are doing it for her protection and privacy. Thank you so much for all you do!!

Heart of A Servant

 Here are a few things I have learned Tshion during our short time with her.

1. She loves to dance to rap music. We will have to introduce her to our good friend LeCrae!
2. Her ambition is to one day walk the runway and become a supermodel. Seriously, she loves to show off her runway walk. If I could find a way to help her achieve this but without strutting around naked and dealing with the constant pressure to be stick thin, that would be wonderful. She is a supermodel in God's eyes and in ours!
3. She is vivacious, bubbly and very outgoing. She does not know a stranger.
4. She is stubborn and a bit dramatic. It is like looking into my own eyes when I was that age and sometimes at the age I am now.
5. She is smart as a whip.
6. She has the hearts of many people around the world and in her orphanage. They have been rooting for this little girl and will continue to root for her.
7. She has the most contagious laugh and sweet spirit.
8. The most notable thing I have noticed about our sweet girl is her heart for serving others.

That is where I want to camp a moment because it has been on my thoughts since meeting her. All of the kids share things, they have to. That is just something they do but I saw a different heart with Tshion. I saw a heart that longed to share with those that were hurting and those who were neglected. Funny, she IS one of those kids. However, everything and I do mean EVERYTHING we gave her, she gave to another child. Not only that, she did so with a very willing heart. The only thing she refused to give away or share was her pictures of us. We were to go to the orphanage, where she was before the transition home, on our last day. She told our translator the first day we saw her that she felt it was VERY important that we see that place. However, later on we learned that she wanted to go there with us, so we are saving that trip for Embassy where she will then accompany us. She was so adamant that we see it though. She told the translator that it was important we see the other children and see what her life was like.

Her favorite thing to do with us was to go to the little store down the road from the transition home and buy a Miranda, also called an orange soda. One day we walked down there and there were five orphans begging on the street. They so wanted our attention, so we played a bit and Tshion talked to them. They were staring at our Miranda's with wide open eyes. All they wanted was a taste of that sweet liquid. Tshion looked at me with her big deep brown eyes and said very softly, which is unusual, "momma, miranda" and pointed to all of them. We walked inside and bought them all miranda's and their faces lit up and thanks began pouring from their lips in abundance. This is not new, I saw this time after time in Kenya and every time it rocked my world to see such gratefulness for something so small that I so often take for granted. What challenged me this time was that my sweet, 9 year old girl who lived that same way was the one who wanted to serve and give. I could see her heart breaking and her desire to give them something. It blew me away and challenged me. If I was in Tshion's place, I would probably have greedily hoarded everything my parents had given me and the time I had with them. Heck, I hoard my time and materials now! Instead she was giving of time and things. WOW! I pray she does not loose that giving spirit but I also want her to know that she can have things that are hers. She has never had that before. She has challenged me to look past my circumstances and see how I can love those who are hurting and in need. 



Philippians 2:1-11

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God,
 did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,  being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death —even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

Speaking of loving on those who are hurting and in need, I wanted to address something that has been bothering my heart lately. James 1:27 says this, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." It does not say Americans take care of Americans and Ethiopians take care of Ethiopians and so on and so on. Is it ideal that each country take care of their own people, yes. Sadly this is not the case and therefore until that time comes, we are called to take care of all orphans, in our country and abroad. I feel like as believers there is sometimes a divide between American foster care adoption and International adoption. Sometimes I believe people feel as though one is better than the other. They are both wonderful ways to look after orphans in their distress. Please allow the Holy Spirit to guide and direct where a family should go. They are both areas that have a great need for people to step up and walk in faith. 

We so look forward to being with our girl!! We pray for all the families waiting now to pass Embassy!

 

Birthday

Throughout the whole adoption process I have thought of it like carrying a biological child. First you conceive, the point when you decide to fill out the application and you are accepted into a program. Then you begin the challenging yet beautiful part called pregnancy which we in the adoption world affectionately call the paper pregnancy. No stretching of the pants but lots of paperwork and an unknown due date. The third part is the birth which is your court date in adoption. It becomes real, irrevocable and very official. The last part is taking your new child home and this will be the last part which is clearing Embassy and finally bringing Tshion home. So in a lot of ways it is the same and in other ways very different.  So I will call this post birthday because Tshion is officially a new member of our family in a very real and tangible way! So happy birthday Tshion!


We awoke this morning to breakfast and friendly conversation. All I could think of was, will we pass court. We had not heard if a very important approval letter had made it to the court so we were not sure. In order to pass, that letter needed to be there. My stomach was in knots. I was SOOO ready to reveal my very precious girl to all of our friends and family. I wanted her to become ours in all legal ways. I wanted to be able to hold her and tell her before we left that she no longer needed to fear that she would not have a family. She would be secure in our arms. She no longer needed to worry where her next meal would come from or if someone was thinking about her at night wondering how she was.

So there we were sitting in a small room with about 40 people while agency by agency was called into the Judges one room office. The courts are not like American courts. It is just an office. I was sitting there thinking about how we were leaving tomorrow and how we were not scheduled to see her on our court date. I longed to see her. I prayed that God would allow us time to see her. No joke, five minutes later and we see our bubbly, vivacious daughter stroll through the door and run to us. I about fell out of my chair. What a loving God we serve! This is not typical for the child to be at the court. When you adopt an older child they have to be interviewed to make sure everything is adding up and okay. This is usually done when the birth family relinquishes their rights to the child. Tshion was not well and could not make it that day so she had to be interviewed during our court time. God knew we needed to see her and orchestrated a way for us to see her. I love those small things He does. So we played with her as we waited. It was a very sweet time of just the three of us. We heard her really laugh for the very first time and it was beautiful!

It was time and we were called to the room. We nervously sat down and the judge asked us four simple questions that we answered and then she said, "You realize that this decision is irrevocable and permanent. There will be no going back. She is legally your responsibility. Are you sure?" YES we both responded. She simply said, "Congratulations Tshion is officially your daughter." At that moment Pete and I both had tears in our eyes and we walked out and hugged our daughter letting her know we were hers forever. It was beautiful!

It was a beautiful picture of God's love for us. He chose me even though I was not perfect or even loved Him back. He knew the risks of loving me and He fulfilled that risk by dying on a cross. It is perfect love. He loves me in an irrevocable way! He does not go back on His promise to love me, teach me, discipline me or guide me. That is the promise we made to Tshion today. It was a big one. We promised at that moment in the court room that no matter what the future would hold, we will never turn our back on her. We will love her no matter the risks and she will forever be our daughter. Nothing can change that. We hope that loving her in this way will point her to the One who will love her in an even greater way and has loved her longer than we have. That is our ultimate prayer! She is a beautiful gift!

Hump in the road

We enjoyed our second day in Ethiopia with a great church service, yummy Caribbean food and time spent in the rain with our daughter. What could a new mom ask for! We did have our first issue today that sent my emotions on a downward plunge into the unknown.

I knew that the language barrier would be an issue but today I hit the hard wall of reality and realized just how hard it would be to full fill my motherly role with my child who does not speak my language. The role of comforting, teaching, disciplining, caring, listening and guiding this precious new child that God is bringing into our family.

Sunshine was bright and cheery all afternoon until the storm came, literally and figuratively. The thunder rolled outside as well as in our Sunshine's heart. It was like hitting a brick wall. Within a matter of seconds our Sunshine went into a dark cloud of emotion. She closed down completely and I had no words of understanding or comfort to offer because I had no idea what was going on. We sat on the cold couch and as I reached for her, she pulled away. I felt utterly helpless as my child pushed me away and began to cry. I did not understand and she did not understand my words. What was I to do?? My heart ached and yearned to comfort her. So I prayed that God would calm me and help me to show her love and grace. We then went on a search for the translator. There is no furor like a mamma lion who is seeking to help her cub. We could not find him and I pushed my way into the house to find him. We finally found him and he went to talk with her. What was the problem you ask? She wanted a orange soda and we had told her that we did not have any and we could not leave the complex with her. Yes folks, she was simply being her age. What is that I age? I found out that I could tell that part of her story. She was being 8 almost 9. What made this tantrum so hard was that I had no idea what was going on. Our language difference is a huge barrier but it is so GREAT that we serve a God who is mighty to break down walls and barriers. Perfect love casts out fear. I had to remember that as I wanted to run out of the complex saying this is too much. How can I love this child and mother her if we can not talk to each other. However that is only looking at me and not the big picture or God's greatness. He has brought us here to this moment to this child. She is His first and He is going to make her ours second. The Lord calmed me and reminded me that it is simple. Step by step with Him guiding it all the way. It will take time but a friend at the transition home was very encouraging by telling me that it was a sign of love that we even took the time to find someone to translate and discover the issue. That was a sign of love. There are ways of showing love that require no language and He will show me those ways as we begin this journey.

I did not run out of the gate to the nearest airplane. I just sent Pete and the translator to the store to buy our kiddo a orange soda. One hump down, many more to go, more victories to happen. Let this journey begin!

Meetcha Day

I wanted to send you a quick little update on our first full day here. Please go easy on picking out the errors, I am a little tired. ;) We had our "Meetcha Day" today. This is how it went....

We arrived late Friday night to an itenirary that said we had to go to the museum the next morning and lunch before we would go to the transition home to see Sunshine. My heart dropped a little. It would be another 15 hours before I would see her. It was not in my control and I knew the time would happen so I would just have to be patient. The next morning it was made clear why we had to wait. There were two more families that arrived this morning and they wanted to see their kiddos as much as we did. However, they needed time to refresh from their flights and unpack a bit. So off to the musuem. I learned a little bit more about Ethiopian history which was nice but butterflies were starting to creep in as time moved on. Flutter, Flutter, Flutter...

We went to lunch at a fantastic Italian restaurant. Italian, you say, why yes! It was delicious and we were surrounded with great company. I managed to swallow a few bites without it making its way back up due to nerves but it was nice to get some food. Then it was time, lunch was over and it was time to make the drive to the transition house. Flutter, Flutter, Double Time Flutter.....

We drove into the complex and I felt that my ability to control my emotions was slowly unraveling as we pulled into the gate and parked the van. My hands were sweaty and my heart was racing. What if she did not like us?? Do I run to her? Do I hold her? Oh, I just want to hold her.

All four families stood anxiously awaiting their child. We went in alphabetical order and we would be second. We watched as the first family greeted their precious kiddos. It was a beautiful sight. Soon, it was our turn. My thoughts were racing and tears were beginning to well. Without giving much info on Sunshine, she has had a rough life and has grown fond of several workers and they have grown fond of her. They have been excited for her as she received parents and several of them came out to see her reaction as she first saw us. It was then that I saw that beautiful face peek out from the door, with bright yellow sunglasses on, of course!! I broke as she came running towards me and lept into my arms like she had been waiting for us her whole life. I held her and bawled as she held me tight. She then leaned over and grabbed Pete and went into his arms. We just looked at each other in wonder as God was now creating a new path for our family with this precious new member. We had fun today and I wish I could share so many pictures but that time will come. For now, I leave you with this sneek peak!

Next Steps

A few people have asked me if Sunshine will be coming home on this first trip. The answer is a very sad, no. You have to take two trips in order to adopt from Ethiopia. The first one is to pass the Ethiopia court system. That is also the trip that you usually meet your child for the first time. It is usually between 5-6 days long. Some families extend that time. I WISH we could but the Army is calling and she can be pretty stingy with her time. Trying to be grateful that they are letting Pete go at all on such short notice but God has blessed Pete with a very gracious Commander. So our trip will be 5 days long. Court is usually a really short process, like 5-10 minutes kind of short and then the Judge tells us if we passed or didn't pass. If we pass, GREAT!!! I will finally shout to the world our daughter's name and proudly show off her pictures. If we don't pass, that will mean another court trip for us until we pass. Most families are passing court at this point.

So, after we pass, we then start collecting our post court paperwork (Sunshine's new birth certificate, passport, etc...) By we, I mean the Ethiopian government and our agency. As soon as we collect all the needed documents, our case will be sent to the American Embassy who will then look through everything and make sure it is accurate. At that point they will schedule a birth family interview in our case. If the child is abandoned it works a little differently but for our case we will more than likely have a birth family interview. As soon as the birth family interviews, our Embassy will CLEAR us, which means, WE CAN GO AND PICK HER UP!!!! That whole process takes about 8-12 weeks right now. It has taken much shorter than that time frame and much longer but that is about typical. So we are looking at about 2-3 months before seeing our kiddo again. :( However, the next time we see her, she will be coming home.

I just wanted to give you guys a little more information because it can be confusing. It is hard to believe we are here in this place right now. I am still trying to wrap my brain around it all. However I have a neat God story that must be shared. When we lost Shai, I wanted to grow our family through natural means at that time rather than adoption. Pete was faithful and a strong leader and he truly felt that adoption was our next step. It was hard to trust but through prayer and Pete's loving leadership, I felt that he was right. However, I was very concerned about the time frame in adoption. I prayed, asking God that if He wanted us to adopt, would He make it like a pregnancy and have it last right at 9 months. I also said that if that was not the best than I would still trust His ways. So, fast forward and I started looking at our time frame. If we bring home Sunshine when the time frame says we will then it will have been 9 months from start to finish! God is good! All the time! And hey, my pants still fit! :) Those are the small details that remind me that God is not silent or distant. He is very near and active and yes I would say that even when it would not have fit my time table. My life verse is

Isaiah 55: 8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."