Joyful, Joyful

Has it really been six months! Well technically we are a couple weeks short of that but close enough. Tsihon Evangeline is doing well. She is growing in every area and we are blessed and grateful for God's faithfulness in her time with us thus far. She is bright, funny, smart, passionate, caring, helpful, kind, generous and inquisitive. She is VERY strong-willed and independent which I believe stems from her time of having to be that way in order to survive. When you are dependent upon at the ripe old age of 5 to help provide for your family, independence and a strong will are bound to develop. We are still working on that continual battle of we are the parents and you no longer have to worry about taking care of yourself. We see her try to be the parent in every aspect, including parenting our youngest. I have to confess, that grates on my nerves most of the time. I have to remind myself why she takes over and pray for the grace to respond kindly and graciously. I fail more than not. Sorry is my new favorite word in the vocabulary. Parenting two has truly brought me to my knees in acknowledgement of my humanity. It has also revealed God's ALL encompassing grace. I think almost every adoptive parent will tell you the same thing. Overall though, Evangeline has not really struggled and compared to what I was preparing for, I am amazed. Do we see grief, absolutely. There are days that you can tell she hurts and misses her family. You can see it in her big beautiful brown eyes that she aches inside. She is a quiet griever. God has given me the eyes to begin seeing those moments of quiet. What do you say to this precious child? Like I could ever understand.  I try and assure her that it is okay to miss your family and your culture, that ideally she would still be in Ethiopia and with her family. I tell her that I hurt for her. I cannot begin to fathom what it would be like to be stripped from everything you know and forced to live in another culture and with a family that does not look like you and does not hold your past. I imagine it would be incredibly difficult and painful to have to learn new customs in order to function successfully in this new world you have entered. No, it is not ideal. I love supporting ministries that bring together widows and orphans. I also love ministries that work with mothers in order to help them provide for themselves and their children so they NEVER have to relinquish their children due to poverty. However, until there is enough support to go around there is a need for families willing to love these kids as their own. So I gently remind her that life is not as it should be. It hurts. It is painful. I then tell her that their is an abundant hope. Our hope in Jesus. As we come upon the Easter season and are reflecting on what Christ did on the cross while we wait to celebrate the day that He rose and conquered ALL, I remind her of the hope we have every day. Christ came, He died for you and for me but here is the best news of all, He did not remain in the grave! NO! He conquered death and is ALIVE! Our faith hinges on the fact that Christ rose again. Our power and salvation rests in the fact that Christ conquered it all. There will be a day when the pain and hurting will end and everything will return to how it should have been, in completeness with our Lord. So, today I remind her that things might hurt and the tears will fall but know that you have not been left alone and you are fiercely loved and have a purpose that extends far greater than you can even imagine. You are precious and God has a plan even in the hurting. You are precious to us as well and we are so grateful for the gift of you! God is faithful and good.

As I have prayed that my children would see the love the Lord has for them and their need for that love and grace, I have seen true joy in the heart of Evangeline. A kind of joy that is supernatural. On many occasions I have had strangers walk up to me and say that E is oozing joy. They have told me that she is like sunshine on a dark day and in Washington that occurs often. :) They have wondered how a girl that has experienced so much has the determination and strength that she has. I have wondered the same thing and have wondered if she does have a love for Jesus in her heart and a desire for His purpose and will in her life. She has learned enough English now so I thought I would ask her if she has accepted Jesus into her heart. Her answer was simple. YES mama!! Oh Yes!! I know that I mess up , I know He died for me! He will heal my hurts! He will make me new! Yes baby girl He will. I know because I have seen it in my life. I wanted to make sure that she understood grace. So I asked her if she thought she could make God love her. Again, she answered simply, no. He just loves me, right? Yes my dear He does even in our junk. I know there is a joy there that comes from knowing our Lord. I see Him ever so present in her life. Is she still a kid?? YES!! We are still trying to figure out how to best discipline her but it brings my heart great joy to know that she loves the One who loves her the most.

Things are getting crazy! Pete will be leaving in a month and we will be moving to Kansas City, MO in a couple of weeks. So the days run together and the girls are running wild most of the time but we are trying to embrace the moments and find the thankful. Again, I am failing most of the time but it is allowing me to see the abundant grace in my own life. Is this my life?? It really is rewarding running hard after Jesus. It will be interesting to see what God has around the corner. I can face another day because He goes before me.

3 months in

I realized that I have not really update our blog in a while. It is amazing how time flies when you are busy with two wild girls. It amazes me that Miss E has been home for almost three months. Some things have been easier than I thought and other things have been a little harder than I thought. Here are a few small items I have learned.

1. I don't know how anyone parents a child with a traumatic background and language barrier without the strength and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
2. I don't have the strength, patience, love or grace in and of myself. I have floundered hard when I have tried.
3. Hand gestures are now a permanent thing in my life, even when I am not speaking to someone with a different language.
4. Children are much more brave and resilient than we give them credit for.
5. Sisters often like to bond in the middle of the night when they are supposed to be sleeping. (Mine do anyway)
6. No wonder my parents used the "I am going to turn this car right around if you don't settle down" card when kids are going crazy in the backseat.
7. You might need a gas mask to enter our house when certain bodily functions are occurring with both our girls.
8. Sometimes it is okay to go to another room and just take a minute.
9. Girls develop their own fashion sense pretty early on and my fashion is apparently not the "it" thing right now.
10. You can get E to eat any veggie if you put a little salt on it. Don't judge. :)
10. Love is more than a feeling but an action.

On a personal note the last three months have shown me how prideful I am. I thought that I depended on the Holy Spirit to guide me a lot more than I actually do. After many days of cracking, yelling, stomping my feet, crying and just plain apathy I realize that I depend far to much on my own strength. God has been showing me through this adoption just how much I do that. I am in need of something far greater than strength to parent well. I am humbled and this experience has taught me to lean more on Him.

I am also learning that each child is unique and comes with their own ways of coping with grief and change. Support groups which are a great blessing can also be a hindrance to me because of my sin. I tend to compare how others do things and how their children are responding and behaving in certain situations and then gauge whether we are doing okay or bad based off their families. The truth is, every child and family is different. Miss E is going to cope in different ways than other adopted kids. Her story is different from their stories as are theirs from hers. Each child will experience their trauma differently. I LOVE certain books about adoption that come highly recommended. I devoured them. I highly recommend them.  I have gleaned wisdom from them and from other adoptive parents but I have also realized that Miss E is her own person and she will follow her own journey in this life. I say this because Miss E has not followed the books step by step and she has seemed to adjust fairly well. Please do not mistake me for saying that she is not struggling. She has her moments of grief but she seems to be attaching and bonding and for this we are grateful. Because we have not struggled as much as other families I have had moments of panic thinking that I am not paying enough attention and missing important things, which maybe I am. I pray every day that God would give me eyes to see the world through her eyes. However, I think that God has been showing me that she is Miss E and that He has a plan and purpose for her. That He is working ALL things out in her life, the good and the bad, for His glory and her sanctification. This will look differently for every child. Her story is not the same as another adopted child nor are they like her. She does have some of the same struggles that a lot of other adopted children have but there are some things that we have not struggled with. I am learning that I need to glean wisdom from those on this earth that have great insight to adoption of older children but I need to realize that they are still humans and psychology is not a hard science. People are complex beings and complicated at times.  So, I continue to read those important books and seek out wisdom from other moms and dads but hold that with an open hand while praying for God's wisdom on how to parent our girl. God is molding all of us right now and we just need to be open to being molded.

The struggle I am finding the most difficult is with my own heart. As I look upon this child that God has blessed us with I find myself struggling to have maternal instincts. When we were seeing things on paper and a few pictures here and there it was easy for me to feel these maternal feelings for her. Now that she is finally in our home, I realize that she is her own person with her own personality. Her personality has been formed at this age. We did not get a chance to see her grow into that person. We now have to get to  know her without all that past history. This is not as easy as it seems, or at least for me it has not been. When Amelia was born, I loved her because she was given by God and I knew that she was special but I was not IN love with Amelia. That kind of bonding has taken time and is still continuing to develop. As she grows older and I begin to see this unique person that God has made, develop and grow, my feelings and maternal instincts grow deeper and more mature. I believe that happens because of time and life spent together. Times on the couch, time with her when she is sick, time playing together, time talking and hanging out with each other and so on and so on. So, I am trying to breath and remember that it will take time to forge a long lasting bond with Miss E. I love her and know that God has brought us to our family but it will take time to forge that deep maternal bond. Every day brings about another opportunity to bond deeper and build those maternal instincts. Right now I am trusting that God is going to bond our hearts together and I just have to be faithful to show her love and treat her like she is one of our own, because she is and I know that one day there will be absolutely no distinction in my heart. God has called us to this, I believe He will make that bond in my heart.  Please do not get me wrong, I love her, she is not being neglected, we treat her as one of our own. I am talking about he inward struggle I have. Also, my feelings and struggles are not the same as other families. There are families that struggle like I do and there are some that have that deep maternal instinct right off the bat. Again, we are all created very differently.

We are doing well. God is doing great things and I know that our family is drawing closer to Him through this journey. Evangeline is a beautiful little girl with a vibrant personality. She is a strong extrovert and we are strong introverts so she is a perfect fit for us. We look forward to the journey ahead and are grateful for the difficult and easy parts of this journey. We are so grateful that God does not leave us where we are but desires to see us grow and become more Christ like. What a gift to be used to glorify Him. I am not worthy. He is so worthy.

Entitlement

Evangeline looks at me with those big eyes and proceeds to wave one finger around saying, "NO, NO." It takes everything I have and lots of prayer not to yell at her.....

This has been a constant scene around our house and around town. It has been the most difficult, challenging part of this adoption thus far. Evangeline (Tsihon) has decided that she is entitled to everything. She gets angry and ungrateful when she does not receive something that she desires. We walked into our 1000sq ft apartment and she pointed to a big house down the street and said, "mamma, there." Those were some of the first words I heard. She says no to almost every kind of food, even Ethiopian and sometimes refuses to wear the clothes that I took hours picking out for her. We walk around the stores and she feels as though she deserves everything on the shelves and more. I think I have heard the phrase, "mamma no and mamma, that" more than you can count. It really has taken strength for me to not want to scream at her and tell her to stop telling me no or being ungrateful for something she has in front of her. I feel the same way when Amelia does that.

I have been praying for patience and grace in relating to her because the issue is three fold I believe. She is a kid and has never seen much of this stuff before; she has been told that parents will give her everything she could want or desire and the biggest reason, she is sinful. She has the same human nature that you and I do, sinful. Her natural desire is to want more and more and more and expect it. Everything in our culture tells us that we are entitled to have anything we want and we can do whatever we want to achieve those wants. We were told over and over not to expect her to be grateful for her adoption or the things in which we would give her as she came home. She is still just a kid who has been yanked out of everything she knows and told what to expect here, everything. She has been told that life will be roses from this point on. I would be expecting and wanting everything as well. As she rolls her eyes for the 30th time in a day, I try to remember those truths and gently re-direct her and tell her that we cannot get everything we want. Sometimes baby, life will be plain hard, even now after finding a family. Try explaining that to a kiddo who can barely speak your language and is refusing to look at you. I have failed once or twice and told her in a much too stern voice not to tell me no again. Yep, I am a sinner too. I have already had to apologize more times than I would care to share on this blog.

This particular attitude has been eye opening for me as well. How often to I expect things from God. How often do I pout and complain when I do not get something that I feel entitled to, from the big things to the small things in life. Things like:

Pete not responding to me the way I would like
Children not listening to me and obeying
Our 1000ft sq apartment that I feel should be a bit bigger for a family of four
Pete having to stay late yet again at work
Pain that comes from trial
Having the nicer things in life
Desiring to go my own direction instead of where God is leading

The list could go on and on with the things in life that I feel I have a right to have. I have a strong sense of entitlement and the bible is clear with what I deserve, death. (Romans 6:23) God has not promised me good fortune, wealth or even constant happiness on this side of earth. Nor did I earn His favor because of my good works. (Isaiah 64:6) In fact, the bible tells me to prepare for persecution and trial and even consider it pure joy. (James 1:2-10, 1 Peter 1) God's word tells me that there will be pain on this side of heaven and that this world is not what we put our hope in. The best and most undeserving gift has already been bestowed on me, God's grace and ultimate acceptance through Jesus. That is what He has promised me, a hope and a future because of what Christ did, not what I am entitled to. I have hope that one day there will be no more sorrow and no more pain and I will walk side by side with my Lord and Savior. (Revelation 21:4) My goal is not to be comfortable on this side of Heaven but to lay aside myself for the sake of others and the gospel. ( Philippians 2:1-18)Why? Because Christ laid down His life for me. Yes, for me. The mom who sometimes looses her cool, jumps down her husband's throat, says little white lies, ignores pet sin and can often times not be very loving. There are many others I could add to the list but those are a few. He paid the price, He adopted me into His kingdom, He loves me even when I am ungrateful, He patiently teaches me and loves me and above all He has shown me His abundant, all encompassing grace. The kind of grace that spurs you to action and total devotion. May I continue to to remember these things when I forget the most precious gift that has been given to me. I hope to remember the life I am called to live on this earth as I try to point my daughter's towards Christ.

It will take time, love, patience and lots of grace to teach Evangeline and Amelia. I suppose that is what parenting is all about. My hope is that they will eventually see how much their Father in Heaven loves them and how much He has given for their life. I pray for the strength and wisdom to continue to pour myself out sacrificially in order for my children to see Him. That is not always so easy, especially in the morning. ;) When I begin to feel like I am entitled to something other than what has been given to me through the gospel, may I remember in humility the One who laid it all on the line for me.

Gotcha Day

The Ethiopian 787 Dreamliner airplane was beyond a blessing from the Lord. What a way to head into Ethiopia for a busy and emotional three days than to cruise with plenty of leg room and just all around service! I highly recommend anyone using that airliner if possible when traveling to Africa!

We walked through sea after sea of people that were just as anxious to see the beautiful light of day after being on airplanes for the last 17 hours as we were. People were pushing, cutting and all around crazy. I think planes do that to people. The thing about a third world countries airport is, there is no for sure system. So you might go one time and the next time it is completely different. You have to have a willingness to just submit to whatever might come your way. So we finally made it through the throng of people and stepped out into the most beautiful, sunny day. Here we were, exhausted and about to pick up our daughter forever. Wow, what a thought, ours on earth forever.  No more a threesome but a foursome. Nothing was ever going to be the same, in a great way!

As many of you know I have been fretting about all the small details of finally becoming a full-time parent to this vivacious girl. What schooling, what hair, what extra activities, how to bond, how to discipline, how to love, and the list goes on and on. So much to think through. So much to consider. So much to choose. However, with as much planning as we do we can never know fully what will happen until we are thrusted into a situation and we are forced to begin taking inventory on what actually needs to happen. Before we left, Amelia and I were driving and Amelia pointed out a bird in the street that was drinking water. She was so exited because she said he was thirsty and needed some. I reminded her of the story in the gospels of how God provides for the birds of the air. (Matthew 6:25-34) There are so many things to worry about in regards to bringing Tsihon home and beginning to form our family of four. Things that in wisdom, we have thought through and tried to make a plan for. However, things do not always go to plan and life has a funny way of throwing curve balls at you, so those are the times I have to remember that worrying brings about nothing but by prayer and thanksgiving, peace and truth will come. (Philippians 4:6-7) Jesus was right, there are too many things in a single day that bring trial, there is no need to worry about the things of tomorrow. He is in control. She is a child from a broken past, with hurts, hang ups, anger and grief. She is also beautiful, caring, loving, vivacious and fun. I cannot heal her heart and make it okay. It would be arrogant for me to try. So I must not worry and rely on the One who can do those very large tasks. He will heal her heart. I must walk in daily prayer and constantly hand over every situation to Jesus. Things work better when I do! Right now, I have decided to take every day one at a time. I have the broad picture of what it will look like but my main goal right now is to bond and help Tsihon make this transition. Everything else can wait until another day.

We took a much needed shower and headed over to the transition home. I was so excited to hold her again. Everyone had told us that she was counting down the days. It made my heart glad to know she was so excited that we were coming rather than being ambivalent about the whole thing. We pulled up and a very thoughtful family offered to take pictures for us. AWAA families are awesome, I cannot say enough about them. Anyhoo it was time to meet again. We stood outside the door and waited and waited and waited. It seemed like forever but I am sure it was like 3 minutes. She finally came walking through the doors and her mega-watt smile came busting out. She took off running, yelling momma, daddy in her husky little voice. This time Pete had the honor of having her jump into his arms. It was so precious and you could tell Pete was thrilled with that idea. Tsihon is already a daddy's girl. She grabbed me next and it was so good to hold her. A couple hours later, after saying goodbye to many people, we walked out the gate hand in hand saying goodbye to one home and walking into another.

Things have been going well up to this point. She is listening the best she can with a language barrier and she is sleeping well. Our largest issue is food. We knew food hoarding and stuffing could be a problem with a child from an orphanage because of the previous lack of food. She has yet to trust that food will always be around. So we are dealing with her always wanting to eat the snacks that I brought. I mean tons and tons of food. The worst thing right now would be to tell her no because we need to build the trust that we will always provide food. Right now we are trying to give her a few of those snacks and then hiding them. When she asks for more we tell her that she can have another after our next meal, breakfast, lunch and dinner. This seems to be working. The snacks are the only American thing she will eat otherwise she will not touch our kind of food. It is all Ethiopian food for our girl, I cannot blame her, it is good! So we will have issues at home but again we are going to start taking this one day at a time, not week by week or month by month. So right now God is blessing us with peace and bonding. We know there will probably come a time when the grief will begin and we will deal with that as it comes. Right now we are enjoying laughter, hugs, kisses and lots of I love yous!!

We are no longer a family just by blood but a family of adoption just like our Father did for us! That beautiful picture that is painted in the bible about our salvation is more alive than ever for me. However, like one adopted mom so beautifully pointed out, our salvation started with great brokenness and grief. So I imagine there will be lows before we enter true peace and hope. Here is to the journey ahead. Welcome Home Tsihon Evangeline (Eva) Hathaway! We are blessed to call you daughter!

Cocooning for our family

There is a saying in the adoption world that describes the bonding and attachment process when bringing home an adopted kiddo, it is called cocooning. These children have suffered great losses, abuse, malnutrition and for some a lack of bonding and attachment which is crucial to forming a healthy family.

Cocooning is the process by which you completely close yourself off from the world with your child, husband and other children and let no one else in until the child really starts to attach and recognize you as the mother and father. It is important because these kiddos can easily attach to anyone and do not really have an understanding of what family is, so they need to be taught. You let friends drop off meals to you on the door step, you don't go to church or ministry functions, you don't let anyone touch or comfort your child except you, you provide EVERY need that child has until they realize who you are and what your role is. I know that it sounds harsh to someone who has not read Karyn Purvis's book "The Connected Child" but trust me it is a very needed process. :)

However, after praying, seeking out families that have %100 cocooned, %50 cocooned or did not at all, and realizing that it will be just me for the first month and a half with my toddler, new 8 year old daughter and our crazy basenji that we have decided to do partial cocooning. This will also depend on how Tshion is after she comes home. This is the first plan but as with all plans, one must hold it open and let God do what He will do. What this means is, I do not think it is healthy or helpful to either of my girls for me to lock myself in the house with just the two of them and never come out. I am not seeing much fruit come from that option. So, here is my request to those that will be around Tshion in the next couple of months. I will have a friend or two help me with Amelia but not Tshion. ALL of Tshion's needs will be met by me. When she is upset, I will provide the comfort. When she is hungry, I will feed here. When she is tired, I will put her to bed. When she needs help in the bathroom, I will take her. So on and So on. This is so Tshion begins to understand that I am her mother and I meet all of those needs. I will go out in public and to church but just to one sermon and Tshion will be with me the whole time. I will make play dates with a couple of people I know of , knowing that I will need those people to encourage and help me with my crazy three year old. From that point on, we will go day by day and see where the Lord takes us.

My most important request is this, if you see Tshion in the next couple of months please do not hug or hold her. Try to avoid touchy, feely contact. Again, do not meet any of her needs. I know this sounds cruel but it is so helpful. The way we parent Tshion will look a little different than the way we parent Amelia. I just want everyone on the same page so that you are not hurt or offended when I ask you not to hug or help my child. You can say hello and be excited and even play with her, I just need to be the most important figure in her life. Pete is as well but since he will be gone, I am referring to myself. Please pray as we begin this HUGE transition. Pray for our precious daughter's heart as she is about to leave the only place she has ever called home. Pray that we will walk in grace and utter dependence on Jesus. Thank you for your continued love and support!!

In the good, bad, hard and easy....

" Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gently and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light. " Matthew 11:28-30

Weary and heavy laden are words that express everything about me in the last few weeks. I am overwhelmed by so much and have so much that demands my attention. Amelia has been a different creature from another planet as far as I am concerned. We have had tantrums that have lasted 10 minutes to full on screaming fests for 3 hours. I am so very weary...

I have had to hold my screaming toddler, while other people look on in horror, and walk out of the store. I have had to grocery shop while she screams due to the fact that I have told her no to something. I have to press on with the groceries because if I don't there will be no food on the table for dinner. I am so tired.....

I have had another mother tell me that I need to discipline my child in order for her to act better. She told me this as Amelia was throwing herself down on the floor kicking and screaming because I had just disciplined her for hitting another child. What am I doing wrong? I am heavy laden.....

I received wonderful news that we were FINALLY submitted to Embassy and all the emotion I can muster is utter fear because Pete has been working REALLY late nights and he will be gone the first month and a half Tshion will be home leaving me alone with a 3 year old who I can not seem to calm down and a daughter who is in a whole new world with a whole new language that she does not understand. I am overwhelmed....

I am exhausted, spent, no more to give. I am at my end of my rope and we are just about to embark in one of the hardest journeys, bringing Tshion home and helping her to adjust and bond. I cry out in anger to God, telling Him that He must be nuts to entrust this to me. Surely He knows that I am at a serious breaking point. I am not being faithful, I should not be entrusted with this. Lord, why me, why us?

The honest to goodness truth is, the last few months have been so dry spiritually. I have found myself going day to day just making sure that I can survive the next tantrum and stay awake long enough to see Pete come home from work. God has not pulled away from me. I have pulled away from Him. I have arrogantly placed myself in His place and have tried to take on the roles that God has blessed me with into my own hands. I have failed miserably. I am angry, emotional and overwhelmed. When my relationship with God is off kilter, EVERYTHING else is going to suffer, including myself. Sin rears its ugly head and I try to bury it deeper without addressing it. I have let fear overwhelm me to the point of health issues. I can only see the negative in front of me. I have cried out to God telling Him that I miss Him but I am too tired to spend time with Him.

That is until last night when I bore my heart and He revealed what He was doing in the hard days and nights that Pete is gone and Amelia is screaming through another hour and my head feels like it is going to explode because I don't know what to do to love and discipline her. He is breaking me again. I have had these times in my life where I have pridefully tried to manage the overwhelming load before me and God has broke me each and every time, thankfully! He has broken me again. I have let myself believe that I am capable of managing this thing called my life. I cannot. I am as dry as a shriveled up prune. There is no more of me to go around. I will not survive without God's constant provision, grace, mercy, wisdom and love walking with me through every minute of every day. Walking in grace and trust. I cannot heal Tshion's heart, I cannot muster the patience, grace and love that she and Amelia will need in the coming months. I will have to rely on the Spirit He has given me. If Jesus went to His Father and prayed, what makes me arrogantly think that I don't need to be communicating with Him every moment. I am humbled. The only way the next month and a half and the rest of my life, for that matter, will be considered easy and light is if I continually realize the abundant grace and love that I can walk in every day because of Christ's death and resurrection. I do not have to worry about the little things of life, God has ALL of those small details and big details worked out. I don't have to be perfect, have it all figured out and in control. I just need to daily turn my eyes to the One who does have it, who holds the answers. Oh why does He continue to love this soul and heart that wanders. I love how he takes the hard in life and turns it good. I love how I can depend on Him when the rest of my world feels so overwhelming. I love that this world is not about me and that He can turn my eyes to things that are bigger than myself. I love that He can make me see the beautiful if I just let Him. I am thirsty, thirsty to see more of Him and less of myself. Thirsty to truly know Him. To truly know the depth of His grace. I want to see Him move in the next few months. I want to rest and He has lovingly reminded me of how to do that. Life will be hard, I am not naive but again I feel like He has turned my head and mind to see His truth and not my own.

So why me? why us? It is not about me at all. It is about Him. All things for His glory. My life laid out so that He might be made known to a hurting world. Bringing Tshion home is going to bring about real challenges but God is moving. He is being glorified. We will all be changed and hopefully our eyes will be all the more focused on Him because of this journey. Each challenge provides an opportunity to see Him, really see Him and a forever change into the hard heart that He continues to soften.

Her Story To Tell

A lot of you have had genuine questions in regards to Tshion's past. Those questions are not wrong. I would be curious myself if I was in the opposite position. I want you to know that we are grateful for your willingness to follow our journey and seek to know more. However, I did want to address the issue of privacy when it comes to adoption.

Tshion comes with her own history and story to tell. They are hers to share and no one else's. It is important that she has the ability to present them in a way and at a time that she is comfortable with. We do not even know the extent of Tshion's past and we might never know. We are choosing to be active listeners when she is ready to share. She might never share with us. We hope she might but she might begin to close that chapter and not want to re-open it with others. It is hard to say. We just want to be available if the time should arise.

I know it seems very easy to want to know all of the back story that comes from an orphans life but it can feel very intrusive when people walk up to you or or parents and start asking deeply personal questions about your life. I know it would be very uncomfortable if a stranger started asking me about my parents and life. I hope this is coming off graciously, that is truly my intention. I just want our friends and others to understand how it might feel for her. She is not an infant, even though they even come with their own history, she is a 9 year old child. She has had nine years of memories already burned into her mind. Those are precious and all that she will take with her. They are priceless and not to be taken lightly. If you are someone that will be an active partaker in Tshion's life then grow your relationship by seeking to know who she is now and let her open the doors to the past.

We have no problem addressing things about adoption like the process, what it is like, challenges and transition. Feel free to ask! We are excited to advocate for adoption.  If you want to know how to specifically pray for our sweet girl, I can tell you a couple of ways.

1. Pray for the HUGE transition that she is about to go through. We are taking her from everything she knows and it will be difficult.
2. Pray that God would heal the hurt in her heart and reveal Himself to her as the ultimate comforter.
3. Pray for friendships in her life.
4. Pray for ways that we can encourage her to work through grief that will more than likely occur.
5. Pray that she begins to see her past as something that God is making beautiful in its time rather than something that hurts deeply.
6. Pray for her health as we are taking her to the doctor shortly after she comes home and there will more than likely be issues to work through.

Again, we love that we have such a support system, we just wanted each of you to know that we are not being rude when we tell you that we will not answer certain questions about Tshion. We are doing it for her protection and privacy. Thank you so much for all you do!!